Like ATM I have to
Find time to take apart my bike the rest of the way
Figure out whether I'm shipping the crank to Utah or buying a new one
Sourcing said new one if I am
Getting sleep for work tomorrow
Audi needs a coolant sensor
Audi needs shocks
Parts car needs to go
I need to buy a car to flip (Ford focus that I have already checked out but I need to get a hold of the people again or golf GTI that I'll have to pick up tonight if I do but they're not responding and if I do I have to go pick up my buddy and flat tow it back to my house then I have to fix it and who knows how much parts are gonna cost
I have to clean my garage
I have to clean my room
I have to clean out behind the shed (super overgrown by blackberries)
I have to get rid of a bunch of old tires
Lawn probably needs mowed
I have to buy camping and entrance to an event in the beginning of September
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Whoops I sent it I'm not done
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I have to get a paddle tire made for my goldwing which means experimenting with the newer swingarm I bought for it and seeing how much more tire clearance I can get, then figuring out what tire size I can run and buying one and taking it to a guy in Vancouver for him to get sorted and that needs to be done in time for the same event
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I got an idea for a videogame that I think could be profitable
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So I need to do more research and talk to my buddy who owns a videogame company
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I'm trying to manage my social media but it's hard to produce content and come up with good ideas, I also think I'm sort of shadow banned because I posted something political ish.
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I really need to start writing for personal healing but I can never find tome
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I need to spend more time with God
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I blog btw if you want the link
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I need to go help my buddy with his quad tonight
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I think I might be getting sick
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Anyway that's what's on my mind rn
-excerpt from a conversation with a friend.
Recently I find myself with less and less free time. Work is hectic, my vehicles need repair, weekends are too short to see all the people and go all the places and do all the things that need done.
My to-do list is stacking up.
Respite? Not likely. I feel to be precisely the embodiment of the quote "Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath." (Michael Caine)
This is the first time I've picked up the laptop in quite some time to write.
I'm in a hotel room, on a work trip.
I can't do much right now, but I can do this. It's almost pleasant to be away from my cars and all their issues, It's almost pleasant to be away from all of my responsibilities and failings.
So is it escapism, then, that drives me to a Bible program? Do I want to leave behind all of the areas where I've come up short and try to become a completely new person? Am I running?
Yes?
I want to change for the better. A successful Trevor outclasses my current self in maturity, financial responsibility, Godliness, and confidence.
I really want to be closer to God...
Speaking of, He spoke to me through a friend a month ago.
He made it very clear to me that it doesn't matter where I go, bible program or no, I can draw near to him. (and as I write this I'm realizing) He'll always be there.
What I'm scared of is myself.
I have a severe lack of self discipline. I feel as though in the environment that I'm in, not only am I distracted by a great number of tasks (see the beginning), but I will never make time for God.
A Bible program, for me, then, is a sprint towards God and away from all of the distractions.
The problem is my plan is not failproof.
Bible school will have plenty of distractions of its own... If I go to YWAM North Cascades, not too far from my cousin in British Columbia, I'll be taking weekend trips to see her. If I take my car with me, it will guaranteed need repairs. Heck, at a Discipleship program with like-minded young Christians, there will likely be high caliber women. Weekend activities, my phone, and other leisure hoods will fill my time as quickly as they do at home.
So what's the plan?
If I want to go to YWAM North Cascades, I have to come up with/raise $8,000. This will cover tuition, airfare, and outreach from September - April. I think it's nowhere near impossible, but it will take some doing to pull off. I'm wiling, I'm just BUSY.
I am also prayerfully considering whether it's God's plan for me to go to YWAM at all or not. Recently I've come to realize how many of my friends I have influence over, especially those with a few less years of wisdom and experience. I know that I can be a great light to a few that I have in mind. What if it's a lifesaving difference?
I want to go. It's important to me, even though it's a recent decision to pursue.
After last year's snow being garbage, it really really sucks that I would miss out on Snow drift season.
Actually, it would probably be better up by the border.
Decisions decisions.
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