Three Weeks

I'm back at YWAM North Cascades. I told myself I'd write every day while I'm here, and that relieves a lot of pressure I have on myself to get "all the things" in a blog post.

Why am I writing again?

Life has slowed down a little bit for once. I've always enjoyed writing, but between work and car things (and everything else in the life of a busy 21 year old) I simply haven't had the time to think about it.

I think (know) that writing is, to me, a crucial part of healing, and one that I've put off for too long. I'm looking forward to taking time every evening to explore what I have yet to fully process, what kind of person I'm trying to be, and whatever the Lord puts on my heart.

I don't need to fill any specific word quota, I'd just like to write until I'm satisfied every night.

I do want to be real.

I'm struggling to find the right vibe of music to listen to at the moment, something between noise and a distraction...

Tonight's post will be pretty short as I'm dead tired... An incredibly late (but fun) night Saturday followed by packing Sunday, driving, and getting in after 2:00 a.m. last night has me in a fog of a sleep deficit. To bed early it shall be.

I miss my mom, sister, and dog. Hardly surprising.

What really has me messed up, though, is being the only stu-(skips I like to move it move it)dent staying on campus. Charlie and Naomi are bunked up at his relatives' place, and I have room 6 completely to myself. Almost a year ago, I was sharing this same space with 4 other boys... I'm sleeping in the same bunk bed as before, because when I got in late last night I knew I'd fit and sleep great. I was going to sleep in JT's bed (bougie and curtained off) but didn't know if I would fit well. Now it's a couch, with the help of another mattress, and a table from downstairs completes a respectable work area. It's weird, not having any of the boys here from my DTS. The place feels dead (which checks out, there's some 20 less people around.) Dan, over chips tonight, said this is what it feels like between schools. I'm glad he's around. A staff member not quite a year my senior, Dan is excellent at making people feel welcome, and far beyond that, he's a good friend. Most of my class members for this 3 week lecture (details on that later) are staff members who led my school. It's a cool dynamic shift, and I'm really anticipating getting to know them even better than DTS allowed for. Everyone here loves the Lord and it shows. I'm incredibly thankful to be back. This place is now safety and rest to me.

Ideas for posts in the near future:

Outline the class and what we're learning (it broke my brain in class today)

Write a post where I don't use the word "I" at all. I feel selfish sometimes when all I talk about is myself (ha, surprise surprise) and am interested in seeing what a post would look like if I just talk about other people. Back in March of 2020, a friend called my blog very introspective, and I think he's right. It's an echo chamber of my own thoughts. It's great for processing, but I can't imagine it's the most interesting thing to read

Write my about my dad

Write about the accident

Write about Thailand some more

Write about work and why some of the interpersonal dynamics and I were really holding me back.

Post(s) about the boys

The San Fransisco trip

Arthur

At a base level, I need to start engaging this (the writing) part of my brain again. I feel like I've gotten way less sharp, because I haven't been exercising my mind. That's why I enjoy freestyle rapping so much as of recent, it forces me to think harder than life normally does. Maybe one of these nights I'll do that instead of writing.

I'm exhausted, so we'll stop here for the night. Thanks for reading!