This is a Craigslist post I published around 3 years ago. It's self-explanatory. I was recently reminded of it, and figured y'all would get a kick out of it. A few edits were made over time, as the post got taken down twice, the most notable of which I have added at the bottom because the main body of text reads smoother without it.
reply Posted 3 years ago
Social Experiment-ISO E bike - $600 (Anywhere, I can get a ride to pick up)
Hey there,
I'm looking for an electric bike. I'm running a test to see if there is still goodwill in this country. Tired of buying things to make yourself happy and not finding joy? You will receive Self-Actualization in large quantities by making my dreams come true.
I don't have a car or my license, so biking is my primary transportation. I'm writing this on a Tuesday evening, and I've already biked some 25 miles since Monday morning to get to and return from volunteering at my church.
I'm looking for an E bike that has these qualities in descending order of importance:
1. The capability to carry a passenger, preferably cafe-racer style like a Super73 RX (that's my dream bike, it's the first image), Juiced Scrambler, Zugo Rhino, or something similar with a long seat and pegs. Think 20" by 4" fat tires on both ends. Did the mental image of cruising around town with your lady-friend on the back compel you to purchase? It's sure compelling me, but I simply don't have the money. I have been job-hunting, but until I get my license I'm limited to something either very close to home or remote.
2. At least a 20 mile range, the more the better. My lady-friend lives far away. I need enough range to get me there and back, perhaps with some cruising around on country roads with her on the back in between.
3. A decent top speed. I'm thinking at least 20mph. 25, 20, 30+ would be far better than I deserve, taking into account that I deserve nothing, and the only benefit to you is the joy of giving and more garage space. Ideally, your bicycle has a "race" or "unlimited" or even "off-road" mode that unleashes its full potential. Even if it doesn't, I know a few things about electric vehicles and I can make some adjustments.
4. Light off-road capability. If you bring me a road bike, I will not complain, but I won't complain even less if it has some form of suspension and the tires have enough tread to go on gravel/hardpack/maybe even a little mud. I'm a boy. I like mountain biking. It's hard to say no to trails. However, if you give me your bike I will honor the gift and treat it well. There are some logging roads up by Lady Friend's house, and cruising those gentle gravel slopes with her is as much fun in my opinion as a smooth ride on country roads. Perhaps her opinion differs. Lets find out, shall we? A picnic sounds fantastic.
Again, I do not deserve all of this. It's a social experiment to restore the common faith in America. A little deed though it would be, It would mean the world to me. You will bring me happiness and a way to work and visit Lady Friend in exchange for that darn metal hunk (pardon my French) you never use and always scrape your shin on in the garage. If Lady Friend and I get married, we'll invite you. You shall be our lifelong friend. It can be a project bike, but money is my enemy. If it's simple wiring or frame repairs I would be elated. I write satire for fun, but this ad is 100% serious. All I'm looking for is a form of transportation I can use to kickstart my life. Do you have what it takes?
Keywords to guide the Searchy Bots: Electric Bicycle 26 29 20 24 Razor Shimano Lithium Onyx Slime Lockout
Pedals and "Iphone" just for funzies 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
it's ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
post id: 7175830564 posted: 3 years ago updated: 3 years ago ♥ best of [?] language of posting : english
Edit that appeared at the beginning of the post after its being taken down and reposted:
Note: If you flagged this posting for removal, you are taking this the wrong way. If you feel the need to flag it for something, nominate it for Best-of Craigslist. Literally I'm a teenager with a dream. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't message me. I don't want any other random strangers telling me I'm a dumb*** for doing this. I know it's stupid, unlikely, and a huge stretch. Ignore it if you must, but don't let your not wanting to see this keep the right person from seeing it. Yes, I am willing to work for it. To the kind souls who did take the time to reply, thank you. You're awesome. Thanks! Ok now read on, my friend.
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