The World is my Oyster...

And it's a really big oyster. Recently I've been wishing I had six of myself to take advantage of all of the opportunities and career paths I see in front of me. If I had the opportunity, I'd probably set myselves on these respective courses:

The following would have been inserted between life paths 6 and 7 if it weren't for a weird formatting thing that's being particularly obstinate and screwing up my list: "At this point I have too many ideas to keep it to six, my insincerest apologies. If you bore easily, there's a little "X" at the top right of your screen which you can use to escape my dronings. (However, if I know half of my audience half as well as I think I do, you have way too many tabs open to make that sort of sacrifice. You're stuck with me.)"

1. Work to build some capital, invest in real estate, and build an offroad recovery buisness from the ground up. Live in Washington, Idaho, Utah, or Nevada.

2. Be a musician. Develop my vocal and instrument talents, release things recorded and produced by myself. Maybe I'll gain traction, maybe I won't. I love singing.

3. Go to college. Get a degree in psychology of some sort. Use my degree to help people financially and mentally.

4. Go to college. Get a degree in Engineering or something. I hate math, so this is a waste of a dude.

5. Be a missionary.

6. Join the Burma free rangers or something of the like. Be a mercenary for justice/protect Christians from persecution.

7. Travel the world collecting oral and written traditional stories and songs. I'd likely wind up settled down with the Vikings, which I have zero complaints about.

8. Career in white hacking.

9. Professional ATV racing or rally. Baja, Dakar, Mint, GNCC, you name it.

10. Go to trade school, make union wages and live a happy life.

11. Canada (friendly reminder it does exist).

12. Alaska. Sherriff, bush pilot, you name it.

13. Local law enforcement or Border Patrol. I love the idea but I don't know if location wise it's right for me.

Et al.

Working 4pm-2:30am has led me to realize just how important my friends are to me. I suppose you don't know what you've got until it's gone, and never seeing the bros (and Soph) is hard. Am I willing to commit social suicide for unclear, muddled benefits and a slightly elevated wage? Not to mention the mandatory overtime lottery I win or lose every Friday. I'm often too tired for church because my sleep schedule is so messed up, and who am I kidding, I barely see the sun. It's not healthy. It's hard.

"Ted."

"Ted!"

"Ted!"

A good natured coworker of mine sits 8 feet to my left. He's upstream of me this week, and the beginning of my assembly line. I've found his name one of the easiest to remember, because he looks like a teddy bear. A young, pleasant face, an unkempt but not wild beard, curly hair, and a large frame pair with consistently worn overalls in beautiful mnemonic harmony. I couldn't forget his name if I tried.

There are two rooms that we do our work in on night shift. One is a long, wide room with many entrances and stuffed full of various desktop machines. The whole shabang is very high-dollar. I don't suppose it has a name, but the other room does, so it can be differentiated by being called "Not the Clean Room". The Clean Room is, as its name suggests, a more sterile manufacturing environment, although it is somewhat cluttered. It's the very definition of "A place for everything and everything in its place." It's also loud. Work, whether in the Clean Room or not, is 10 hours of incessant mechanical whirrings and beepings and thuds and buzzes. The Clean Room has an air filtration system, and the background drone of the fans are not unlike a loud vehicle HVAC system. The noise, plus the one earbud policy, can make conversation difficult at times. This effect is most prominent when the person has their earbud of choice in the ear that happens to be between you and their attention.

I lean over to make myself more clear.

"Ted!"

Eye contact, and he pauses his music.

I inquire about a difficult personal struggle he had shared privately with me at the beginning of the day, as I was curious as to if he had made a decision that would indeed improve his condition.

Thrice I ask him before he understands what I'm saying. I rest assured that nobody will overhear me, 'cause if he can't nobody can.

"Did you ever fart?"

"Yeah!"

"In here?"

"No, not here. It was bad."

"How was it?"

"Ecstasy."

He smiles. I smile. I look at the clock: 2:07 a.m.

Working nights is weird.

At least my coworkers are cool.

The problem with my job is I'm not learning anything close to a marketable skill. I want to get certifications, licenses, learn valuable things and make this vessel an employable swiss army knife. If I have an internal drive and the knowledge to get things done, I'll be unstoppable.

The problem with my job is it's dehumanizing. They only hire people because robots won't do. Robots would be far more efficient. I make mistakes. I want to work somewhere where my input is valuable and I can learn as I go. I want to use my brain, not muscle memory.

I feel trapped in my job, and it hasn't even been three weeks. I love the people (except for my boss, a Napoleon of a lady in stature and command who gives the benefit of the doubt inversely to her copious lectures. She's not all that bad, she does her job incredibly well and keeps things running smoothly, but she doesn't really attempt to understand where I'm coming from when I appear to be in violation of company policy or inefficient. Heck, that sounds narcissistic, I assure you it isn't.) The pay is good, the benefits are great if someone would do me the favor of spelling them out clearly, and I get to listen to all the Adventures In Odyssey I want. It still feels like an immense waste of precious time. I want to experience all of the life that I can while I'm young, and what is a dead-end job for the time I'm willing to commit to it in what can't even be considered a skilled field, let alone a field I'm interested in, seems dreadfully pointless. Give me something that pays a little less but allows me to have a social life and teaches me something I can use, and I'll take it. Give me something that leaves me with the energy to finish up the little high school I have left, instead of a burnt-out feeling by the time the weekend comes around, and I'll be much happier, I think.

I don't know. I cry for direction. Too many choices. Please be in prayer for me.

Because I cannot expect the world to hand me everything, today I made a call. Superior Towing and Recovery (STR) and I parted on friendly terms after I graciously turned down their job offer. About a month ago I had interviewed for Polaris and STR, and the choice was mine to make between the businesses. The interview at STR went very well, I thought, and they offered me a position on the spot. "I'm gonna be straight with you, the fact that you pulled up on a dirt bike means I already like you." was one thing the local business owner remarked. I walked in to apply to drive a tow truck for them, but roadside assistance was what made more sense for them to hire me for. I'd drive around in a Prius with a cool paint job and change people's tires, etc. Exciting stuff. I'd be outside, get to drive lots but not have to pay for gas, be helpful and connect with customers, rock out to music and be fairly independent. This afternoon I called them back to inquire if the position was still open. The gal who answered the phone said she'd call me back tomorrow, I'm considering all of my options right now and this is one of the best, I think. I love the idea of offroad recovery, and this is a doorway. I might start my own business. Who knows, maybe I'll do offroad recovery for the penguins in Antarctica.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Deep down inside I'm scared. Do I want to change jobs simply because I'm not disciplined, don't want to work, am lazy, can't take the heat of a correct and justified boss I don't love to be around? Am I running from my problems and discomfort? Is proving to myself I can be committed worth wasting time doing something I don't enjoy?

Last night after work I texted back and forth with a close friend of my father's. He has had many respectable careers and has something like 7 college degrees in a wide variety of fields. He's in his late 60s, very reputable, and has a thorough, no-nonsense Austrailian disposition. He advised, contrary to what I expected, that there's no shame in moving on from a job like this at my age. As long as I have something else lined up, I'm good to go. I expected strong encouragement to stick with Polaris for a while, but it did not come from him. It did come from Sophie's dad. I messaged him at the same time, requesting we go out to coffee because I needed life advice pertaining to everything I just wrote. In a brief text conversation, he suggested I remain at Polaris for a few more months while I explore other options, potentially trade school. I think I'd do well at trade school. I think he wants me to have a solid career, likely because he has my best interests at heart almost as much as his daughter's, and marriage could come in a couple of years if we really just can't be patient.

I'm not ready to support a family, but I don't think I'm supposed to be right now. I'm scared, I don't know if my work ethic is solid, I don't know what direction I'm supposed to take in life, I don't know what's gonna happen but I know my wanderlust will never be satisfied with only my weekends to explore the world. I want to see the world before I settle down, I want to do dangerous things and take risks before I'm the rock for my wife and children. I want to learn all I can and hone my body and mind. I want to train to become a protector, educator, preparer, thinker, spiritual leader, and storyteller. There's more to life than I can imagine, so you bet your boots I'll be asking the One who knows what's best for me.

My wanderlust has a desire for the deeper magic before the dawn of time and the ancient. Perhaps it's why I'm drawn to the mountains, who knows what I'll learn from they that have sat silent for thousands of years, undeniable ridges in inexplicably vast fingerprints. I want to be close to God, and I want to experience things. It's about time I stop floundering around playing spin the bottle with the doors in my life, and let Him direct my paths as He promised.

Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.[a]

Footnotes

Proverbs 3:6 Or will direct your paths