DAY 5 OF HOUSE ARREST

March 18, 2020

PASTOR,

I am exhausted so I'll try to keep today's update short.

We'll see how that goes.

TODAY

I

AM

NO

LONGER

GROUNDED

YAY

WOOHOO

YIPEE!

And various other terminologies of exuberance

Today

At sunup

I was, as promised, running through fields in slow motion far from home

In spirit.

Reality was a delightfully warm bed in an inviting dark room.

But doesn't everyone always say "it's the thought that counts"

So I was there.

Bouncing

Laughing

Yeeting

Traipsing all over the grass, or wheat, or whatever was planted in said field.

Galloping

Leaping

Likely triggering my pollen allergies, making my eyes water, sneezing uncontrollably, breaking out in hives, entering anaphylactic shock, and ultimately suffocating to death from my throat closing.

This is why I stay in bed.

And act anti social.

Mom says I'm anti-social. Do you think I'm antisocial (maddening, isn't it)?

*expectant pause as I wait for you to reply out loud to the text on your screen* *longer, Dora The Ford Explorer-size pause*

*call dropped*

Good, I'm glad you don't think I'm antisociel. On the other hand, antisocialism is to be sought after. That's why Sanders will not win 2020. Because everyone knows he's a communist. I'm sure he's a wonderful person and all that but I do not agree with his political orientation so that gives me full coverage to rip into not his policies but his character, his lack of humanity, and his mother, or so the left thinks. You know why the elephants don't get away with as much stuff? Because for every republican there is a guardian democrat who pulled up a metal folding chair (the uncomfortable, death on fingers kind) right up next to wherever the subject's guardian angel sits. It sits there and takes notes on all the dumb mistakes you made, how many guns you have, and how many times you've called your wife "unsuitable for babies" (honey). It then takes its little notepad and little smirk on its face and slinks away to the prosecutor's box as soon as you try to kickstart your political career. Then said demonic entity hounds you for the rest of your life... ok so you know in all those old-timey cartoons the protagonist has the angel on one shoulder and the demon on the other? Those were all written before The Great Divorce when our political system BUSted (see what I did there [it's not worth repeating]) into the parties we have today. The demon was the Democrats, and the angel was the Republicans. That's where the terms "left-wing" and "right-wing" came from, by the way. During the war of 1812 way back in the 1600s, Mike and Lucy went at each other's throats for supreme control of the body. The elephants, winning the baby vote, gained control of the head, arms, upper body, and abs. The donkey got the legs, arms, and throat. Nowadays, the Democrats can run around screaming and once in a while the arms (which aren't connected and have no brains in them) start tearing up speeches, but they have no head and little core strength. The Republicans, on the other hand, have a head but little voice, and when they get in power their policies are sound. Takeaway: just because legs can scream louder it doesn't mean that they're right.

ANYWAY

Today I went mountain biking

With Youth PASTOR

And Neighbor Boy, my friend from across the street.

There was mud.

I almost (de?)brained myself on the ground because I leapt off a big stump into a small pine tree and it bent over under my weight. Neighbor Boy wasn't so lucky. When he tried, he grabbed too high and broke the top off. I got a video, so it was almost worth it. Come to think of it, I feel really bad that Neighbor Boy broke it. Now he (it was a boy) can't grow up anymore. He's gonna be stuck that height forever. All his friends will graduate into big pines and move away to find work producing pinecones, but he'll just be lonely there for the rest of his life. Now that I think about it, maybe we saved him... the logging industry will overlook a tree that's scarcely 10 feet tall... he'll become the elder tree to all the next generation, and the generations that follow. He'll likely earn the descriptor wise. All the little sprouts will ask him to tell stories, the punk saplings going through pubertree will be scared into line by his rendition of "forest chainsaw massacre"

Yep

He'll have a good life

Maybe, with some luck, there will be a cute little deciduous who comes branching by...he could even find love.

I think we saved that tree

All things considered he's gonna be ok

Except in the event of a wildfire. Rip tree.

We crashed a lot going down the mountain, because it was very wet from snowmelt. We stopped at a gravel pit and threw rocks off of cliffs. We rode the gravel roads. Much fun.

That was about all I did today. I played videogames and reassembled a shopping cart. Tomorrow Mom says I have to return the shopping cart to waySafe. I don't know if they'll notice the bolt cutter marks on the frame, or where it's a little bent (not kidding). Meh it'll be fine.

Anyway

That was my day

In a coconut shell

So,

PASTOR,

I think things may turn out all right.

Unless mom sees the carpet downstairs.

You know the drill,

Trevor

P.S. A horseless carriage

sorry