March 19, 2020
PASTOR, I am hanging by a cottonelle thread over a vast tar pit of insanity.
Metaphorically.
Not literally.
However, now that I can leave the house my situation is much improved. Today was a good day, overall. I took a lot of vitamin C to bolster my immune system against whatever disease I have. Which was a mistake. One of the signs you're taking more vitamin c then your body can handle is >cough< diarrhea (which happens and ends faster than it takes to spell the doggone word [maybe if I make it an acronym it will be easier to remember. D-refrain from I-bringing into the country A-every RR-ex-presidential H-rotorcraft E-until A-fall). Now I was lucky enough to not take way too many pills and hence avoid the runs, but I came down with a nasty case of clinically diagnosable squirtspoo. I apologize in advance for the potty jokes, there is an explanation, however. In light of a very recent event, and because I have to go to bed earlier than normal tonight mom says so I can get well from my cold, I am writing this while soaking in the bathtub. While the rest of tonight's article will be entirely socially acceptable and above-lid, because of geographical fate it is, regardless of content, intent, extent, darntent, collapsedtent, or let's just sleep in the car, bathroom humor. Moving on! Today I did an assignment in aviation class that focused on ground ops and navigating to and from the runway at airports. It was long, arduous, and taxiing. We had some NTBS case studies of pilots who almost collided on the ground. E is in no way related to until. Luckily, no one was hurt, but things could've been a lot worse. Let's see, what else is new... ooh I broke a law of physics today (just a traffic violation, no penalties). Neighbor Boy and I got a bike that they'd found for free on BookFace into perfect working condition. The tread had been worn to threads, so we put new attires on. We also fixed the brakes (shoulda been tipped off by the name they wouldn't last)and I adjusted the derailleurs (it takes a lot of train-ing). Then we rode bikes around tonight. Not much else happened today, so I guess, to meet my quota, I'll describe one of the videogames I play. It's called hellshockers, and it's equally loved and hated by schoolchildren and the IT guy who can't block all the new links the company makes. It's a first person shooter, if you could call it that, with a unique twist. You are an egg. With a lethal firearm. Very fun. Very non-violent, unless you happen to be a sensitive chicken who doesn't like seeing newborns get shot. When you die it's just yolk and whites, so obviously the eggs are not fertilized. Backing up a bit: If you are a chicken and reading this, we've gotta talk because something musta gone wrong in the Donald's nMcugget process. Did they genetically modify you to literacy? Are you self-taught? What do you taste like deep-fried and breaded? Does Donald'sMc actually use your beak? Actually you probably wouldn't know, unless they nugget you alive. Have you ever heard of that one chicken who was walking through some alley in eastern Kentucky and got nugged? Then he was fried and became famous postmortem. Really sad for the chicken, but the guy that did it, who turned out to be very bad at coming up with original names for an army guy communist, became very rich, this is a run on sentence. Moving on! I'm honestly surprised I haven't dropped my phone in the water yet. I'm grasping at (plastic, fight me) straws here for material. Today just wasn't that eventful, and I'm still unable to pull comedy out of thin air. Maybe I should respectfully discuss the finer, valid points of the Greta Thunberg defense. Oh wait. There were none. I hate to sign off in only two texts, I just need MATERIAL. oh no OH NO I'M GONNA RUN OUT OF MATERIAL BEFORE THIS IS OVER!!!!! You see, my comedy is my proverbial toilet paper. Not because people use it to wipe and flush it, but it clogs my social fluid from draining away... that was one of the dumbest analogies I've ever made, second only to "The world is your clam chowder" (we are in the chowder but not of the chowder, the chowder is being saved, not condemned, etc.). Do you have any dumb analogies you've made? *expectant pause* *say something* *pingsky with a bad connection* *call dropped* *please rate the quality of your call* *maybe they'll call back* *nah I don't think-* *DOODEEDOO* *WATER DROPLET* *DEEDOODEE* *CHINESE TORTURE CELL* *WHO TURNED THE VOLUME UP???* *oh it's at level one* *I bet some sniveling little softMicro employee boosted the volume right before release and no one caught it* *whoops we missed the call* Yeah, that is a very bad analogy. Moving on! I'm sorry today's was kinda dumb. Tomorrow I'll do more stupid stuff to write about. Maybe I'll have another squirtspoo. The monkey way to find out is to tune in again tomorrow, 8/7 central. PASTOR, I am definitely losing it. Please keep us in your prayers. On a more serious note, dad's in some pain tonight, please be praying for that as well. In Bath, You know the drill, Trevor P.S. I can't believe the water's still warm.
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